The me no one can see

There is the inner me. She is young. She is BURSTING with energy! She wants to rule the world! She wants to climb mountains and run marathons. She wants to run circles around you. She wants to be thin. When she is thin....she will be pretty.  SHE WANTS TO BE SET FREE!!!! Free of the body-----this weight-----The shame--- So I finally reached my breaking point....May 2012. I knew I needed help but didn't know who or better yet what to ask help for. My friend Laura talked me into going to a new group. I definitely was unsure. But I figured what could it hurt. But I was extremely nervous. What would these people think of me? Would they shy away and think" Geez what the hell is her problem?" or " did you hear what she said? She has hidden food from her husband!"  I didn't know. So on a Saturday Morning we had to be at this meeting at 8:30am.( I thought "this better be worth it!" ) The meeting was very different than I expected. Especially since I had done some detective work the day before. I felt welcomed by everyone. And I wasn't a freak!! As I heard others speak I knew they had felt and dealt with some very similar issues and that perhaps they would be able to give me insight. There are definitely some religious parts of these meetings. But I focus on the meanings: the message. My 9 months will be tomorrow. I have a sponsor I call my meal plans to every morning, I am eating NO white flour and NO sugar. I know it doesn't seem like much to someone this....but it is a milestone for me. I haven't had anything sweet...ANYTHING! for a week and I have lost almost 4 lbs since last week. I feel so positive about the path I am following. I will be asked to get up in front of the group and discuss how I have made it this far. I am proud of the me I am becoming. But this me has a LOONNNGGGGGG way to go to get to my goal. It is way to easy to talk myself out of the struggle if it seems I won't win.    Sometimes it seems unreachable.  But instead of focusing on the future. I am learning to focus only on today.  And day by day I will set my inner self free.